At the 2024 Thomas Jefferson graduation ceremony, the announcer butchered so many common names that it felt like the school hired Reverend Al Sharpton’s sister. Instead of saying “Molly Elizabeth Camp,” the speaker blurted out “Mollina-zabeth-cap.” For Maeve Elizabeth, it became “May-vee Lee Zu-beth,” and Sarah Virginia Brennan’s name was mangled into “Sayer Oo-voon Geen-goo Bree-none.” But the pièce de résistance was when Thomas Michael Canevari Jr. was announced as “Tha-mo-may,” leaving attendees in stunned silence. The audience collectively gasped when they heard Thomas’ name, a moment that has since become emblematic of the graduation’s cringeworthy reputation. The school has apologized, but is that enough?

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